In my last post, I pretty much spilled my guts, laid the ugliness out on the table. To tell you the truth, it has taken me this long to recover enough to crawl back into the blogosphere. I don't particularly like emotions, especially when those emotions are mine. I've spent years perfecting the poker face in any & all situations. Yet, since we last got together, so much has happened and those emotions have seeped out. The Holy Spirit has been working over-time reminding me that emotions are just that - emotions. They are not Truth.
A real Spring Cleaning in progress has been going on here. Something called "pruning" in church-talk. Painfully trimming back those dead & dying parts. Enough to kill. Kill the diseases that can so easily infest. Infest our innermost selves and infest others around us. If we will only see those infestations, pruning will deftly make a way for growth, reveal our weakness which in turn reveals God's all-mighty strength. Pruning causes us to look past our own abilities and realize, hey, I can't do this myself. It makes us stronger after the process is complete. It brings renewal. Such is grace.
This becoming is so damn painful. There are so many hours, days even, when I feel utterly alone on this battle-ridden road stretched out before me. But, my sweet Jesus reminds me through His gentle whisper (and if I don't hear that, through my spiritual director's less-than-a-whisper) that I'm not on my own. Not by a long shot. He is with me . . . come what may.
Just . . . gotta . . . lean . . . hard . . . into . . . Him.