Release - Five-Minute Friday (My First EVER)

Release.

Release through writing - that’s how I roll. 

Many times I’ve shrugged it off, this need for release, claiming there’s no time for me to sit down and write.  There are too many requests vying for my attention.  When is dinner?  What’s for dinner?  Who’s taking me to soccer practice?  Who’s going to write that check for [insert any number of obligations]?  All these things put me in this place of craving release . . .

And so I surrender.  I sit down.  And I write.  And I find release.  And I finally release that breath I’ve been  holding.

 

M'KE SE AN AYITI (MY HEART IS IN HAITI)

Princess Madi and Her Court of Lovely Little Ladies from House of Joy

In preparing to write this post, I prayed.  My heart and mind have been trying to process everything I saw (extreme poverty, hope, mere survival, joy) and heard (roosters, trucks honking, music blaring, hymns of gratitude) and smelled (trash, decaying animals, yummy food) and felt (overwhelmed, hopeful, love) while in Haiti. 

Our Awesome Water Team

My prayer went something like this:  "Dear Lord, You have MESSED ME UP with this trip to Haiti.  For.  Real.  What were You thinking??  Never again will I be able to live in my safe little first world cocoon.  Never again will I be able to take a sip of clean water for granted.  Never again will I take for granted my soft cushy car seat (M'emowoyid se a tap-tap - lol).  And NEVER again will I go through a day NOT thinking of Haiti and dreaming of when I can get back there.  And while we are on the subject of going back to Haiti, when will that happen?  You know, I want to learn kreyol for real first and I want to learn it NOW.  My knowledge of French just will not do.  I want to talk with them.  Plus, I've GOT to know what those beautiful people are saying about us blancs!  Yeah, I'm broken here, God.  Broken.

Praying over the newly installed system

Lord, the beautiful people of Haiti blessed me beyond anything I ever could have imagined.  Their language is like music to my ears.  Their love for You and their gratitude for simply waking up each day testifies to their acute awareness of Your Presence.  They have taught me what Trust in You looks like.  Life is not easy for them, Lord; You know that.  The ground is dry and rocky.  Their government has failed them over and over, many times looting the country's coffers.  Their environment has worked against them.  Earthquakes, hurricanes, flooding, and deforestation have devastated their beautiful land. Children have been orphaned by the hundreds. Disease from the water they drink has obliterated families.  Yet they continue to trust You.  They wake up praising Your name!  They HOPE.  They scrape together what little they can to survive.  Yet, Lord, they dare to believe that one day their children or their children's children will thrive in this land You have given them. The streets are dirt and rock.  Most homes are ramshackle dwellings, constructed of whatever scrap one can find.  Those people who are fortunate enough to build a more substantial home erect 10+ foot concrete walls around their property and line those walls with razor wire or broken bottles.  They feel they must guard their families from their desperate brothers and sisters outside their walls.  After all, desperation to survive can seep into one's soul and move brother to fight brother.  You know all these things.     

A typical dusty, rocky road

Dear God, what is YOUR ANSWER HERE??  What is your answer to children so poor that their only toys are the remnants of the plastic pipe we had left over?  Can't You do better than this??  Of course You can.  And You have.  You have drawn them close to Your heart.  Their lack of material goods tunes their ears and hearts to Your heartbeat for them.  They exude JOY at the simplest of things.  And You have brought us together, brothers and sisters in Christ, from two totally different worlds, to teach one another how to share what we each have.  Thank You, Dear Lord, for the opportunity to meet these amazing people.  Please, please take me back there."

Sweet babies playing with plastic pipe "rings"

My bestie and a fellow traveler on this trip, Paula, expressed my feelings so well when she wrote, "Haiti is the most profoundly heartbreaking place I've ever seen...and profoundly beautiful...the people are warm and friendly, the countryside - breathtaking. But life here is hard...so hard for the common Haitian."  Indeed, this encounter with God's people to our south has changed me forever.     

Oh!  One last thing . . . be sure to check out the handsome guitarist below, Racine Louissaindy, (who also served as one of our awesome translators) by watching his Christian group perform here:  http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qoPJsMkN9bs

Water Team member Amanda Stiles with Racine Louissandy

Also, if you're interested in bringing clean water to Haiti, check out www.strategicwaterteams.com.  

TO BE CONTINUED . . . because I am in NO WAY finished with talking about Haiti!  I'm just getting started!

So...A Lawyer, Two Counselors, and a College Student Board a Plane for Haiti....

It's no joke, people.  It's the entourage who will be making a life-changing trip to Haiti in a few days.  The four of us, (all from Grace Community Church) are getting on a jet plane at 6:00 a.m. on January 9th (for those of you who know me well, you know this is NOT an ideal flight time for me - lol).  My girl, Madi (the college student) is going with me (the lawyer), as is my bestie (the counselor) and another friend (the second counselor).  This intrepid group of women, will be sporting our work boots and dungarees in an effort to bring clean water and The Living Water to the dear people of Haiti. 

We will be traveling and working with Strategic Water Teams and  Shoeman Water Projects.  Our main job will be the installation of water purification systems, but we will also be working a day or so in an orphanage and another day or two at a school.  We covet your prayers for us all as we prepare for the trip, go and work our tails off, and return home after 10 days.

Those prayers of yours? TRULY PRICELESS.  However, the trip itself has a price tag. Although we have raised the bulk of the needed funds to get us to Tabarre, Haiti, we still require a few hundred dollars for our time in-country.  Will you please consider helping us?  

 (Don't those sweet faces just MELT your heart?!)

Did you know the average Haitian does not have access to clean water?  Isn’t that crazy for an island? Sure, Haiti is surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean and the Caribbean Sea, but there’s almost nothing in the way of clean, drinkable water.  Even so, a trip to the ocean is way beyond the means of the typical Haitian.  The World Bank describes the Haitian crisis as follows:

"Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere and one of the poorest countries in the developing world. Its per capita income — $250 — is considerably less than one-tenth the Latin American average. About 80 percent of the rural Haitian population lives in poverty. Moreover, far from improving, the poverty situation in Haiti has been deteriorating over the past decade, concomitant with a rate of decline in per capita GNP of 5.2 percent a year over the 1985-95 period.

The staggering level of poverty in Haiti is associated with a profile of social indicators that is also shocking. Life expectancy is only 57 years compared with the Latin American average of 69. Less than half of the population is literate. Only about one child in five of secondary-school age actually attends secondary school. Health conditions are similarly poor; vaccination coverage for children, for example, is only about 25 percent. Only about one-fourth of the population has access to safe water. (Emphasis added by yours truly).  In short, the overwhelming majority of the Haitian population is living in deplorable conditions of extreme poverty. In the face of this daunting reality, Haiti's population continues to grow at a high rate estimated at almost 200,000 people per year.”  (See  http://web.worldbank.org).

Moreover, the infant mortality rate is 57 infant deaths before age 1 per 1,000 live births in 2012, compared to 6 in 1,000 here in the United States.  (See http://data.worldbank.org/indicator/SP.DYN.IMRT.IN.)" 

The purification system - so simple!

Another less-obvious-to-the-outside-world result of the extreme poverty in Haiti is the trafficking of Haitian children, a topic near and dear to my heart.  According to an article in The Guardian, on September 22, 2005, the sale of Haitian children into the Dominican Republic is a thriving trade, with the going rate for a Haitian child being 54.22 Pounds (the equivalent of $89.40 in today’s U.S. dollars)(See http://www.theguardian.com/world/2005/sep/22/garyyounge.mainsection.)  Most are used for gang income (boys age 12 and under), domestic service (girls age 12 and under), agricultural or construction work (older boys), or in prostitution (girls over age 12). (See http://www.theguardian.com/world/2005/sep/22/garyyounge.mainsection.)      

Am I the only one fired up about this exploitation of precious babies?  During a trip-preparation meeting, seasoned missionaries to Haiti with whom we are traveling relayed to us their firsthand experience of such child trafficking.  They told us of having discovered, while installing a water purification system in the “hill country”, a young girl of eight years who was the household servant to non-relatives, doing all the cooking, cleaning, and providing personal care for the elderly.  The girl’s parents are both dead.  Her closest living relative, an aunt who lived in the city, had sent her to live with these people, to earn her keep, so to speak.  The missionaries quickly learned the girl was highly intelligent, despite her not having any schooling.  They enlisted the help of a respected pastor who negotiated the girl’s release which now allows her to reside at an orphanage and attend school.  Her “captors” told the pastor they wouldn’t have any trouble replacing the girl, as there are many children out there in similar circumstances whom they can “buy”.  This account makes me cry!  And, unfortunately, it isn’t uncommon at all. 

 

(Conducting school in a tent . . . can you even imagine??)

So . . . here I am asking you to pray, first and foremost.  Secondly, for those who are so inclined, I'm asking you to write a check for clean water . . . and so much more.  Please?  

Checks should be made out to Grace Community Church with “Haiti Mission Trip” written on the memo line, and mailed to Grace Community Church, 14769 N. Hwy Rt. 37, Mt. Vernon, IL 62893. 

Thank you!

                                                           

 

Sometimes, Church Doctrine Just Plain Hurts...But Jesus Never Does.

SOMETIMES, CHURCH DOCTRINE JUST PLAINS HURTS...There, I've said it.  And probably ruffled a few feathers already.  My confidence shored up by this quote from Anne Lamott, one of my favorite Christian authors: "You own everything that happened to you.  Tell your stories.  If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better," I continue this post . . .   

(Disclaimer:  Any references to the Church in this post are not specific to the pretty church pictured above.)

In an earlier post, I revealed that God has led me to get involved in the fight against the modern-day human trafficking trade, and particularly against the sex trade whose targets are, by and large, women and children.  As you may recall, the Exodus Road and International Justice Mission are two organizations close to my heart.  However, I have yet to pen a post on behalf of either.  Why?  I've asked myself that very question.  Over a month ago, on November 10th to be exact, the Holy Spirit answered by giving me the content for today's post.  I confess, I've been dragging my feet, letting the "people pleaser" in me rule.  But, alas, I drag the feet no longer.  After all, I have been called to live out Micah 6:8 . . . to seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God.  And, today, I must speak about the phenomenon I shall call "sex slavery within the Church."  I am further spurred on by this prayer set forth in the Book of Common Prayer for Ordinary Radicals on November 6th:  "Lord, show us when the enemy we fear is to be found working in ourselves.  Equip us, then, with the sword of your truth and the shield of faith that we might stand our ground in this place where you have called us to dwell together in unity.  Amen."

I grew up in a not-really-religious-but-we-went-to-church-every-Sunday-because-Grandma-expected-us-to kind of family.  That being said, I am ever so grateful for my mother's faithfulness of getting her kids there, and infinitely grateful for the love of Christ I experienced in my little church.  My childhood church family loved us all, and treated us all - girls and boys - as individuals who could accomplish anything and be beholden to no one but Christ.  Then, I grew up and some of the things I saw in the Church just plain hurt - the stomach-churning, self-worth questioning which turns to self-harm kind of hurt.  Here's what I saw and noone would admit was/is happening.  I was there; I know what I know and I cannot now un-know it.

(Insert here a deep breath & a quick prayer for boldness.)  I witnessed sex slavery taking place within the Church.  It continues today.  This servitude starts with a warped doctrine of biblical "submission"; particularly wives (girlfriends) submitting to husbands (boyfriends).  It is denominational and grossly paternalistic.  Women are groomed to believe they are to serve men while men are groomed to believe they are entitled to anything they want from women.  The doctrine, many times unspoken and certainly unwritten, mandates that a wife's primary purpose is to bring pleasure to her man.  And for many men, sex is their paramount pleasure.  So, how does this play out?  In short, marital rape ensues.  Date rape ensues.  And how does it get to this point?  Well let me tell you what I have seen.  I've watched the process, though I didn't recognize it for what it truly is until years later. 

A boy grows up being indoctrinated by church leaders (pastors, deacons, leaders, teachers, etc.) to believe he is entitled to be sexually pleasured by his future wife.  These same leaders brainwash a girl that sexually pleasing her future husband is her duty if she is to be a "godly wife."  This pleasing the man means anytime, anywhere, any way he wants it.  These leaders are predominantly men, but sometimes they are women as well.  

People, when the woman is not consenting or truly agreeing to sex, this this is rape sanctioned and perpetuated by the Church.  Wives, or girlfriends ("It's okay to have sex, baby; then we will be married in God's eyes" - a lie told to many a young girl in love), become voiceless victims.  If a wife (especially one not raised under this particular doctrine) questions what is going on in her bedroom at the hands of her husband, she is belittled and told she needs to "just do it."  Then she questions herself - "What kind of wife am I?"  "What is wrong with me?"  "Why can't I just accept this?"  "Why can I not enjoy it?"  I can assure you that NO WAY is she EVER going to reach out to her "friends" in the Church again for help.

I've heard from more than one woman who has been pushed into sex by her man even though she was physically ill, with the flu or in bed with painful menstrual cramps.  Or made to fulfill her "obligation" to her man despite her being only days into recovery after major surgery, even after enduring an emergency c-section in order to birth a newborn for said man.  I've heard from more than one broken-spirited wife who has been awakened in the middle of the night with her husband on top of and inside her . . . with their other children sleeping in the same room.  And the man?  He truly sees nothing wrong with his demands.  He truly believes he is entitled to his woman's body regardless of her feelings, physical state.  Regardless of where they are or with whom they might be.  Am I the only one whose stomach churns at this entitled behavior??        

This twisted paternalistic doctrine is harming our women.  Though educated and smart, they are repeatedly told they are "less than" their men and demeaned if they dare to act otherwise.  This perpetuated belief is spiritually harming our men as well.  They are taught to be self-absorbed, prideful rapists which eventually leads to soul rot.  It's harming our children.  Boys are learning it's okay to disrespect girls/women and that they are entitled to a raised stature in the Church & sex from their wives, simply because they are males.  Girls are learning it's never okay to live up to their potential if it means they might "out-do" a boy (how shameful!).  They are learning their worth is to be based on their performance in the bedroom.  THIS DOCTRINE IS THE DIRECT OPPOSITE OF LOVING AS CHRIST LOVES HIS CHURCH.  It breaks my heart.  And it makes my stomach churn.  

 

Now the good news . . . THERE IS HOPE!  And that hope is Jesus.  Let's model our relationships on how Jesus lived, how He treated others, especially women.  Never did he belittle a woman.  Not once did He condemn a woman for her sinfulness (in fact, He turned the tables on the men seeking to condemn by asking them to look inward, and only if they were without sin were they to "cast the first stone" - John 8:7). 

 

Two days before the Holy Spirit placed this post on my heart, my 19-year-old beautiful daughter and I attended a Natalie Grant concert.  I've always loved her song Held.  The chorus  depicts our hope as women (and men) in Christ particularly well: "This is what it means to be held; How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life; And you survive.  This is what it is to be loved and to know; That the promise was when everything fell; We'd be held."

My friends, this love that holds is God's Love.  He gave us His Son to heal us through His love.  No matter what has happened to our bodies.  No matter what has happened to our emotions.  No matter what unspeakable pain we may have inflicted on the persons we most love. We are held. And empowered.  And emboldened to speak the truth in love.  And to change.  

My beautiful sisters (and brothers), we ARE held.  And beloved.  And set free by Jesus.  You are of incalculable worth.  Men, dare to love your wives and girlfriends like Jesus does, sacrificially and unselfishly.  I promise it will be worth it. 

                                                                                     

    

Through Surrender, I Am Free

HE SPEAKS

I am broken, yet He says I am His and I am beautiful;
I lie and gossip, yet He gently corrects and forgives me;
I am prideful, yet He saves me from myself;
I run and run and run, yet He relentlessly pursues me.

I cry, He comforts;
I fight, He holds.

I surrender, I am free. 

Now, Let Me Tell You Something About My Mother-in-law!

    On June 13, 2013, my dear Mother-in-Love (that's her from a fish-eye view - tee hee!) was whisked by ambulance to the local hospital’s emergency room.  She was bleeding internally; she had virtually no color to her skin and she was frighteningly weak.  The ER doctor, a childhood friend of mine, feared this sweet woman would die from the blood loss before they could replenish her supply.

    Through it all, however, Mother-in-Love kept her positive outlook and never ceased to entertain the staff at our local hospital, or her many visitors.  But, I could see the tiredness in her eyes.  Although she obviously loved talking to anyone who walked in her door and devising schemes to play Cupid (i.e., via a singles mixer/Bible study at her church’s nature campus), she really needed rest.  Rest from her illness and all the poking and sticking, and, most importantly, rest from her constant stream of thought.  She’s been learning the hard way how to stop moving and be still, how to take care of herself.  I can relate to this lesson as I, too, am still in the early stages of learning self-love and self-care.

    My dear husband was with his parents when his momma was first taken to the ER; the kids and I were out of town for the day.  That sweet man of mine held his dear momma’s hand throughout those first scary hours.  And, oh how she LOVED having his firm, yet soft, hand holding hers.  What a beautiful picture.  That man loves his momma dearly and God granted him a wonderful opportunity to show that love with one small, simple, yet profound, act.  And, really, does anything make a man sexier than seeing him loving on his momma?  Be still my heart!

    After ten days at the local hospital with no relief or real progress made, Mother-in-Love was transferred to the big city hospital in St. Louis.  Via a pink ambulance, to her delight!  They quickly determined she had developed a stromal tumor on her stomach lining that ulcerated , or burst, and also a cluster of bleeding ulcers.  Overall, she was given 16+ units of blood in less than two weeks’ time at the two hospitals. 

    Mother-in-Love came through surgery (to remove the tumor (benign)) last week with flying colors.  And her ulcers have healed.  Yay, God!  I look forward to hearing from her what the Holy Spirit has spoken and taught her these last few weeks.

    Although I do not believe God caused Mother-in-Love’s illness, He has been working the circumstances for good.  My heart has softened immeasurably toward her.  He’s blessed me with a couple of wonderful conversations with her.  The Lord has gifted me with glimpses into Mother-in-Love’s heart, into her fears.  He’s gifted me with the opportunity to serve her and love her through simple acts - folding laundry, filing her fingernails, brushing her hair.  For all of this, I am grateful. 

When God Calls

There's always a challenge in life, isn't there?   If you're a Christ-follower, the Spirit just will NOT let you stay the same person tomorrow as you are today.

My calling from God . . . it involves writing, whether it be my legal writing or my blog writing or whatever else God puts before me.   I'm a justice kind of girl (I'm sure that's no shock for you).  What I've seen in my legal career (i.e., domestic violence, rape, etc.) and having been made aware over the past year or so of the prevalence of the sex slave industry, the Spirit has really stirred up a fire in my belly, so to speak.  And, through some of my own experiences, I can relate at least on some level with these women who are systematically victimized.

I've discovered, personally, that I felt voiceless for many years, and still do to an extent.  Sounds strange for a lawyer to say, doesn't it?  But it's true, although AS A LAWYER, I have never felt voiceless.  The voicelessness has come in my being a woman.  My simply being born a female has been the basis for my feelings being ignored and my opinion and/or counsel disregarded over and over again.  And the biggest culprits?  Church doctrine and family.  You know that whole "a wife is to be submissive to her husband" instruction given by Paul?  They (by "they" I mean those adhering to this faulty doctrine, largely male adherents) have gleefully eaten it up.  However, they have totally managed to gloss over and ignore the significance of the man's role according to Paul, when he gave the flipside and admonished that "a husband is to love his wife AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH, giving Himself up for her".  Really, what woman wouldn't be submissive to a husband like that?  Sadly what I've experienced and witnessed over & over again in the church is a flippant "baby, I love you" kind of love from our men, not a sacrificial love.  It's been a self-serving kind of love.  And if you're a woman in a church with this kind of doctrine who doesn't want to be branded a trouble-making Jezebel, you better tow the line and keep your mouth shut.  After all, you don't have a penis, which is apparently the only real criteria for being part of the elite, superior club.

I've cycled through many emotions here and, now with the Spirit's gentle guidance, I realize the faulty doctrine adherents haven't known any better.  Perhaps they should have, but ignorance is bliss, yes?  They've been spoonfed and ingested this doctrine.  Been groomed to believe and adhere to this "male superiority complex" from birth.  I MUST tell you that my dear husband is coming around; he's learning to look to Jesus for his cues rather than to other people.

Back to where I am in my calling. God has gifted me with a talent for writing (you may disagree with this, but please don't burst my bubble; just quit reading my posts - lol).  And He's given me a love for women and showing them that God loves them and His grace covers over EVERYTHING, all their brokenness, all their screw-ups, all their bad decisions.  How I love to see a woman empowered!  To see her find that she is worthwhile!  That's how Jesus saw women back when He physically took on a man's skin.  HE GAVE THEM THEIR VOICES!  Think back to the woman at the well (a Samaritan even!), the woman with the bleeding disorder (unclean!), and Mary Magdalene (whore!).  Jesus tells us to look after the widow and the orphan, yes?  Who is the widow anyway?  In my humble opinion, she is the woman without a protector or provider - whether due to death or divorce or whatever.  Jesus doesn't tell us to use them or to abuse them to satisfy our own sick appetites.  He tells us to love and protect them.

For those of you who don't know, my law practice consists mainly of adoptions (DCFS & private agency, private individuals), guardianships (kids as well as disabled adults), and guardian ad litem court appointments (advocating on behalf of the child's or disabled adult's best interests).  I am in my element here.  And so very grateful God has given me this work.  This is the easy part of my calling.

Recently, I stepped out of my comfort zone a bit and have signed on with an organization called Exodus Road as a blogger to get the word out about sex trafficking.  ER trains & sends in covert teams to brothels and the like to expose sex slave operations, mostly in third world countries, but also in the U.S. and other major world players.  I'm also getting involved soon with International Justice Mission.  This organization is mostly focused on the plight of trafficked women and children here in the U.S.

The Spirit has really been working on me the last couple years, convincing He has plans to use me, though not in the ways I thought for so many years were my destiny.  In obedience, I am to write about my own experiences, in whatever circumstances I have experienced them.  God is always good even though He is not safe (thank you C.S. Lewis & Narnia).  He's already shown me glimpses of how my struggles and my faith walk encourages other women.  My ongoing prayer is that the words I write will not harm, though they may sting and even hurt at times, that they will encourage those reading them and be a balm to their brokenness.  And I know He will heal my hurts along the way as well .

Selah.